A Lonely Love
by achildofthestars
Summary: Spoilers for all episodes of the 8th season. Lois comes back from Star City, but not for good.


A/N: Oh, yes. I am pissed at Smallville's Clark. Sue me.

* * *

He'd never disappointed her more. Not that she would admit it. She stared at the small plate bearing the slip out name plate which had been part of her desires for so long. She didn't even know all the things she'd shoved to the back so this could be first. Of course, a lot of the things she'd purposefully flung into a cabinet in the back of her brain had been put there merely because she couldn't taste the failure.

Just like this. A memory of Clark Kent, a hope.

"Hey, you're back!"

It slipped, broken between her tired fingers and landing on her desk with a clang that would echo for the next five years in her heart. Clumsily, she reached for the object as he came to stand behind her back. Waiting, she thought, for a friendly hug, a hello, I missed you. She wouldn't offer either since she couldn't give herself to him anymore.

"Geez, Smallville. Stalking much?"

"You do tend to draw out the crazies. I'm surprised one didn't follow you home."

Far from it, but she didn't say it, instead opting to sit in her chair with a growl.

"Wait," he frowned, eyes focusing on her desk. "Why is your stuff in the box?"

His confused gaze made her want to laugh, bitterly and guiltily. As if he thought it would be any other way. She inhaled, harsh feelings pushed temporarily where they belonged.

"I was offered a job."

"You already have one," he frowned.

Lois couldn't help but roll her eyes she tapped the plate against her right palm. "Offered a better one."

"What are you talking about, Lois?"

"Are you really this stupid, Smallville?"

This time he was the one gave the measured the eye roll and then pinned her down with his stare. "Lois."

"Okay, fine. While I was gagging from the Jimmy-Chloe nurse fest, I ran into hot shot Bruce Wayne."

"'Ran into?'"

"Yeah," she drew out, avoiding his gaze by staring down at the plate. "No big deal. He wasn't hurt and didn't press charges. Anyways, after I charmed him, and don't say anything Smallville or I'll staple your head to my desk, he agreed to an official in-depth interview and before I knew it, Gotham Gazette was pestering me for my wonderful set of skills."

His lips remained stuck. She noticed it, and for the life of her it felt good. Lois stood again, looking at him directly with a pair of eyes set in bravery.

"But, Lois, you love it here. This is your home."

The scoff that escaped from her was amazingly light. Just the thought of leaving was mending her happier. It didn't mean the bitter sadness was gone, but it meant there was a light somewhere for her, somewhere without him. She just couldn't stop the darkness that leaked through, slim and vulnerable, only for him, and only for a millisecond.

"What's there to love? The crime? Makes for a story everyday. The Green Arrow? Yeah, no. Chloe? No matter where I go, I'll always be with her. The Planet? At Gotham I'll finally be in charge. My input will matter. And come on Smallville, I've never had a real home."

Her words bit into him and he didn't know why. All he could think of was that she was leaving him and it didn't feel right. Not at all.

"Lois…this is pretty sudden. I just…I can't believe it."

There was a part of her that wanted to slap him then. How could he not know? Why did she want him to know? It was all so simple and even Chloe had told her what a huge mistake this was, that leaving wouldn't solve anything. But it did. It solved everything. It had to.

"It's pretty great, isn't it?" She smiled with her teeth, praying it didn't break.

Clark Kent couldn't lie. He tried to never lie and for once, for one small time, he knew he had to. Lois always did make him do things he never thought he would.

"No, I mean, yeah. Yeah, Lois."

His smile wasn't as brave, but he stepped forward so she wouldn't see, his hands surrounding her waist and resting in the middle of her back. Her hair invaded his cheek while his chin settled upon the top of her head. There was an urge to keep her here, something so powerful that he let go before he gave into it because it unnerved him. It wasn't often he felt out of control, though he was surprised he would feel the same where it concerned the woman before him.

"Don't think I'll make out with you just because I'm leaving, Kent."

"What?" Clark choked, his face changing to a light red and his mouth slightly open.

It was at that moment when she finally realized maybe he was in as deep as she was. Well, not _as_ deep, but deep enough.

"Come on. You play the innocent farm boy to lure the worldly reporter into his arms and ravishing her. Or, trying to. I'm on to your ploy, Smallville. Lana isn't though, so good choice."

"Lana?"

One name. One name uttered from his mouth and she could hear the reverence still embedded within. It hurt.

"Look, Clark, I don't know the specifics of what went on while I was gone, but – ."

"Does this, you leaving, have anything to do with what happened between us at Chloe's wedding?"

Oh, yes. It was the only reason she was leaving.

"Are you high on something?"

"You're not answering the question."

But what could she tell him? She'd fallen for him. She was in love with him beyond all reason of a doubt and he had no clue. He was the one she counted on, believed in, enjoyed. In just a few short months he'd turned from country bumpkin boy to grown handsome reporter. He'd turned her world upside down, one day after another, only to stop it on its axis the second Lana Lang came crashing by.

There was no way she would do this. Fight for him when he obviously wanted to be somewhere else. Lost causes were her specialty and the man before her was one of them. She should've known better than to believe she might have him, that he might want her.

"Smallville, I know this is going to be hard for you to believe considering the hundreds of women who've fallen madly in love with you, but Lois Lane doesn't love, nor will she ever love, Clark Kent."

Just because she could sell it doesn't mean he believed her. Every word was tainted with a tone he knew too well: heartache. He saw it was closest admission he would get, that this was the farthest he'd been from her since before he'd met her. His mind fell, too at a loss for words in a moment of crisis that shouldn't be dire.

Enough. It was enough. Lois took one last look at her plate before placing it against Clark's chest where his fingers took hold of it. Her hand stayed there, nearly cupped by his own, and she nearly changed her mind. It couldn't all have been a lie. Some of it had to have been real.

Her hand drifted back to her body, disembodied and fuzzy, but mindful enough to follow her brain's order and grip the side of the cardboard box. She couldn't chance it. Not with him. There was a nagging feeling that if she were, it would be the end of her. He simply wasn't worth it. Maybe before….Not now.

"Keep the cows warm, Smallville."

The light reflected off Lois's name and he found himself staring at it once she'd left him behind. She was gone. He knew then, that he loved her somehow. Too late for it to matter.


End file.
